apples and cinnamon truly were made for each other... eternal lovers

my mighty warriors

A quick summary of the last 16 months

12 trees

one of my favorite things about my job that i can say to people that sounds utterly ridiculous but is technically 100% true is that one of our sea turtles keeps trying to get me to commit a felony on her behalf and gets SUPER cranky when i won’t do it

this is because she is spoiled rotten and LOVES head and shell scritches. every time i go to the tank she’s in to collect water samples while she happens to be awake and swimming near the surface, she sees my hand enter the water and immediately comes over to try and get my attention, headbutting the dive platform and splashing water at me and generally making a huge fuss.

unfortunately, because she is also a ~100yr old green sea turtle, i legally cannot touch her. she’s a protected species, and a fairly prominent individual at that, and im not one of the aquarists who dives into that tank NOR am i a vet, so i’m not among the handful of people who are ALLOWED to give her scratchies. she knows all of the divers personally, and knows that i am not one of them. she doesn’t care. she wants attention and because she’s the specialest princess in the entire universe she will do anything in her power to get it.

she also throws a big ol tantrum when i end up not petting her. she’ll stick up her head to snort water at me, slap at the platform and ladder with her fins, and then swim under the dive platform and bump her shell against the bottom — she’s a 500lb turtle, which is a lot of weight for her to be throwing around. i usually have to move pretty quick to get off the platform and onto solid ground cuz there have been times where i’ve genuinely felt like i was about to lose my balance and REALLY didn’t want to end up falling into the tank.

^ myrtle, throwing a tantrum because she was unsuccessful at peer pressuring me into violating the endangered species act

ALT

rats live on no evil star

^w^

fuck esports, the only correct way to play smash is the way my 7 y/o niece plays it: connecting 2 controllers, setting one as peach, setting the other as marth, pretending marth is peach’s boyfriend and then playing virtual barbie and ken with them

smash esports livestream but it’s just thousands of people tuning in to watch my niece make bayonetta marry solid snake on the zelda temple stage

esports commentator: now watch what she does here. shes crouching with snake to indicate hes proposing. blink and youll miss it: she uses down+b to place a bomb- this is the wedding ring. going back to bayonetta, shes going to ever so slightly tilt the left stick forward, now this serves two purposes: 1.) to make sure she doesnt set off that bomb when she goes to accept snakes proposal, which would obviously ruin the whole scene, but 2.) and this is a more subtle touch, to show bayonettas hesitation. that's something we know about bayonettas character, shes very independent, so thats the true work of a master to incorporate that into their gameplay

i have this disease called i will open your message and get distracted and forget to reply and then the notification will be gone so i will not have replied for ages and you will think i am ignoring you but. i am not. it’s incurable

why would I camp somewhere named Hole Where You'll Freeze To Death

Yeah I'm going on a camping trip to the Hole Where You'll Freeze to Death. No I won't be back soon.

many trans people have terrific bird names (jay, wren, raven, robin, piper) but it feels like shorebirds are underexplored territory.

avocet: 7/10 great sound, very elegant. fails the starbucks test

killdeer: 9/10 imagine meeting a killdeer at a party. banger

woodcock: 3/10 probably not worth it but extremely funny bit potential for a trans dude

plover: 10/10 this one's real actually. where are all the plovers

heron: 8/10 you'd get a lot of "hera" but that's good too

dowitcher, godwit: 4/10 but very dark souls

sora: this one's taken actually. sorry.

brant. willet. whimbrel. grebe. we're missing out folks